Kindergarten Starts… and So Does Letting Go

Well, it’s official.  My little girl is beginning Kindergarten, and I must say that it feels like it has come far too quickly.  One moment she was a toddler running into my arms, her tiny hands clutching mine, and now here she is – a school-aged child standing tall with a backpack that looks almost too big for her shoulders. I know one day I’ll re-read this post as she gets ready to embark on her final year in high school, and I’ll wonder again how the years managed to slip through my fingers so quickly. 

Some nights, I find myself lying awake, scrolling through old photos – snapshots of the little girls she once was, frozen in time. The silly faces, the belly laughs, the way her eyes lit up when she discovered something new. Each photo is a reminder of just how full these past five years have been, and also, of how fleeting time is for myself.  As I look ahead, I know there will be countless more memories waiting to be made – stories, adventures, lessons, and emotions that will shape the little person she is becoming. My baby is growing up, and I’m excited for her. I can’t wait to hear all the things she will tell me each night when I lay beside her in bed asking her about her “crappies and happies” of the day. Given her imagination, the detail and animation that will accompany her explanation of her day will leave me chuckling for days.  I smile at the thought of this already. 

What do I want for my little girl?  What do I hope she will want for herself? What expectations should I have, and what expectations will she have of me, of her school, and of life itself?  These are questions I’m sure every parent wrestles with, or at least I hope so.  My hope is that I can guide and support her, without steering too tightly, without holding her back, and protect her without shielding her from the experiences she needs in order to grow.  The last thing a parent would ever want to do is hinder or obstruct their child.  Madex has always been “daddy’s little girl”, and this will never change. She embraces this role wholeheartedly, and I have cherished every second of it. But I am already beginning to notice moments where I need to step back, to observe rather than intervene, to give her the freedom to stumble, try again, and discover her own strength. This is not easy for me and completely opposite of what her and I have had these past 5 years. Our world has been so tightly bound together, and now I feel the first gentle tugs of her independence. It is both a joy and a heartbreak.  I will miss this dearly.

Today, though, I choose to embrace the change. Our relationship is not fading, it is evolving – and that evolution is a sign of her growth. The coming years will be messy and chaotic, but in truth, how is this any different from the last 5. Chaos has already been a part of our story.  The difference now is that Madex is becoming increasingly more independent. She will slowly begin to carve out more of her own space. We will try to nurture and develop this while adding layers to the dynamics of our family, hopefully strengthening and growing its roots. 

Ultimately, what I want most is simple: for her to be happy. For our family to be happy.  My expectations of her are not about grades, achievements, or milestones. They are about values. I hope she learns to be kind and respectful, to develop a good belief system that is hers, one that allows her to dream boldly and gives her both the courage to chase those dreams, and the strength to stand up for them.   

As parents, our role is to foster and encourage, not to judge or overshadow. That means allowing her to make mistakes, even when everything in me wants to step in and prevent them. I believe this can be very difficult for many parents as we don’t want our children to make the same mistakes we made or wander down a path that may seem uncertain to us.  However, I believe its absolutely necessary though. Struggles, failures, and uncertain paths are part of learning, and they are the very things that build resilience. By shielding Max from these things might feel protective in the moment, but it will rob her of the lessons she will need to grow into herself. Perhaps the harder – and more important – responsibility is not in telling her who to be, but in showing her through example. Children rarely remember every word we say, but they never forget how we live. If I can show her respect, kindness, and responsibility through my actions, she will absorb these values far more deeply than if I simply instruct her. In doing so, I hope to give her not just a set of lessons, but the confidence to walk her own path, secure in who she is and proud of the life she is building.

Madex is beginning Kindergarten, and with it a whole new chapter begins. For her. For me. For all of us. And while I will miss the way things have been, I am also grateful – grateful to witness, to guide, and to stand proudly in awe of the young person she is becoming.

“To Happies, Crappies, and Growing Up.” Dad