Cherishing Rare Friendships: Love Beyond Blood

Have you ever had a friend show up unannounced, knowing that they can arrive in sweatpants with wine, beer, or coffee and you’ll sit with them for hours discussing anything and everything. From their workday to their darkest secrets, it’s as if the relationship has no rules or pretense. You see this friend beyond their social mask and understand their personality, history, quirks, fears, and dreams. They also understand your true self, your strengths, flaws, insecurities, and joys. You feel safe with them, knowing that this knowledge will not be judged or used against you, and that there is no need to impress, perform, or hide parts of yourself. Both of you just relax into authenticity.

If you have, be grateful; these friends are few and far between. Show gratitude and reach out to that person and thank them for being a friend. I urge you to do this because this is a very rare thing to have in your life. In a world where belonging is a basic need, and human beings crave the need to be known and accepted, a connection like this must be cherished and not something you take for granted. These friends do not just walk alongside us – they help carry us.

“A great friend is not who you spend the most time with, but who you have the best time with.”

Know that not all friendships are created equal. Some are acquaintances, people who appear out of nowhere and share a smile on the street or a polite conversation at the coffee shop. They are like cameos inserted throughout the play that is your life. They often do not play a significant role in the main storyline, but nonetheless serve as a fun surprise or joyful moment. Others grow into casual or social friendships, filling your calendar with shared dinners, birthday parties, or work functions. These relationships are meaningful in their own way, but often remain tethered to circumstance and convenience. Yet, every so often, something extraordinary happens. A friendship crosses an invisible line and becomes something deeper. These are the people who know our laughter and our silence, who arrive at our doorstep without needing an invitation, and who stand by us not only in celebration but in sorrow. They are the ones that earn a place at our holiday table, whom my daughter calls “aunt” or “uncle”. They are people who carry our stories as carefully as their own. It is here where the quiet magic lies, where family isn’t always defined by blood. It can be chosen, cultivated, and fiercely protected. The rarest friendships don’t just accompany us through life – they become life itself, weaving into our identity in ways that words cannot define. To call them “friends” almost feels insufficient. They are family, in the truest sense of the word.

“An acquaintance knows your name; chosen family knows your soul.”

Friendship doesn’t arrive all at once; it grows in layers, each with its own place in our lives.

• Acqauintances are the lightest layer. They know your name, your face, and perhaps your daily habits, but not much more. Conversations are surface level.
• Casual Friends come into your life through work, school, or hobbies. You share time together, but mostly out of circumstance or convenience.
• Social Friends move closer than casual. You meet for dinners, invite them to gatherings, and genuinely enjoy their company but still have walls. A certain part of you remains hidden that you do not share.
• Close Friends are different. They know your backstory, things that make you tick, and your struggles. These are the ones who check in, who listen and remember details that matter.
• Best Friends are about closeness. They stand beside you in life.
• Friends Who Feel Like Family are about Integration. They are woven into the fabric of your life.

These last two, I want to dive a little deeper to explain the difference, as it can be subtle. Best friends have a deep trust and loyalty. They know your secrets, history, and your quirks, but there is still some sense of separation. You share life closely, but each of you may keep certain aspects private. You make plans together like vacations, birthdays, guys/girls nights, etc.., but they don’t always overlap with your core family traditions. They are, after all, your best friend – a title that honours closeness, but it still acknowledges “friendship” as the category.

Friends who feel like family have all the same aspects as a best friend. However, the beauty of these friendships lies in choice. Unlike blood relatives, friends who become family are not bound to us by obligation – they stay because they want to. They enrich our lives with laughter and good feelings on ordinary nights, with traditions created from scratch, and with love that extends to our children and partners. They carry our secrets, triumphs, and our heartbreaks like a best friend, but time and distance do not weaken the bond; it simply shifts how you stay connected. These people go beyond friendship and blend into the fabric of your everyday life. You don’t just share stories; they help write your story. They show up not only when invited, but because they consider it their place to be there – hospital visits, moving days, holidays, even family emergencies. The lines blur as they are welcome in your home unannounced, and your kids call them “aunt or uncle,” and you include them in milestones as naturally as blood relatives. They sometimes become a part of your rituals, like Christmas dinners, summer trips, etc… They don’t just attend; they belong. At some point, “friend” doesn’t feel like the right word anymore. You simply call them family because that’s what they’ve become. They are rare, and because they are chosen, their presence feels even more sacred. They are the people who stand beside you without being asked, who would drop everything to help, and who celebrate your joy as if it were their own.

Like many of you, I have had many friends that fall into the first 4 categories, but I can probably count on one hand (maybe two) the amount of best friends that I’ve had. For me, they’re almost as rare as friends who feel like family. However, unlike friends who feel like family, there is a certain fragility to best friends. Even the deepest friendships are not always permanent. Best friends can reduce to acquaintances, or no longer even exist in a person’s life. Sometimes they fade quietly because life shifts, children grow, jobs relocate, and slowly the phone calls become less frequent. Other times, the ending comes suddenly, marked by misunderstanding, betrayal, or silence that cannot be overcome. Whatever the cause, the loss of a good friend can feel as sharp as grief itself and leave behind a hollow space. If there are readers here who used to be a best friend of mine, and over time, that connection has loosened, know that I remember those days well. Maybe we no longer communicate as frequently, due to whatever reason, but understand that endings do not erase meaning. A friendship that disappears does not become irrelevant simply because it could not last forever. Like chapters in a book, those moments still matter. They shaped who I was, and often, who I’m becoming. The love, laughter, and lessons remain even if the friend no longer does.

My grandpa always said that life is a paradox. This is true on so many accounts, and I believe that this is where it exists in friendship. Friendship is both fragile and enduring. Fragile, because circumstances and choices can alter its course. Enduring, because once a connection is made, it never truly disappears. It lingers in the very makeup of who we are.

The magic of friends who feel like family is not something to take for granted. So cherish them. Call them, invite them, celebrate them. Let them know that their presence in your life is more than appreciated; it’s essential. They remind us of one of life’s most powerful truths: love is not confined to bloodlines. It can be chosen, offered freely, and given without reservation.

To all my friends – past and present, near and far – thank you. Each of you has held a place in my story, whether as a passing smile, a shared season of life, a best friend who once knew me deeply, or as the rare few who have become family. You have shaped me, carried me, celebrated me, and even when time or distance has changed the closeness, the meaning remains. I have been browsing the hundreds of photos I have of all of you, and the memories have flooded my thoughts. To those friends I had before the year 2000, I hold you with a special kind of nostalgia. Photos were rarer in those days – before cell phones and social media – so much of what we shared exists only in memory, woven into stories, laughter, and the heart. I am grateful for every moment, every lesson, and every bond. To those who still walk beside me, and to those who once did, you will always be a part of the fabric of who I am.

“The measure of friendship is not in years but in quiet imprints left on our character, invisible yet undeniable.”

“Each friend is a mirror, showing us not only who we are but who we might dare to be.”

-Richard Ostlund

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